Component One--Courage

"Courage originally meant 'To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart.'... Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line."  --Brene Brown

Chapter One of "The Gifts of Imperfection."  Brene Brown says that the three key tools that we need to live a Wholehearted life (a cool term--living with your heart whole, living fully, wholeheartedly) are Courage, Compassion and Connection. 

Let's explore the first one--Courage.  I actually think I'm a really brave person.  I do the big gestures that people normally associate with courage and I get a real adrenaline rush from that.  I'm one to set big audacious goals--like a triathlon or a marathon.  I am able to take big leaps--like a major career change or getting divorced.  Those take courage. 

But those aren't the courageous steps that Brene talks about.  She defines real courage as the day to day events that reveal our heart and vulnerability.  Like asking for help when you're feeling down.  Or raising your hand and saying you don't understand.  Or crying in front of someone when you feel sad.  I have to say that if that is courage--then I'm a real sissy pants.  Of course we all do that sometimes--especially in extreme situations and I certainly have relied on my friends for that.  But in day-to-day interactions, I think I can take care of myself and I don't need to turn to anyone else.  But I LOVE when people do that with me.  So what is different? 

It's the courage to risk making that connection, not caring what anyone else will think.   And for me, it is just trusting that not only is it NOT an imposition, it is a way to help yourself and help someone else at the same time.  Ironic. 

So I did it last night.  I found out that Robb is dating.  I'm happy for him, really.  But for me, it was one of those triggers that brought up emotions that I thought I had neatly packed away.  So, I turned to my friend Candy and vented and asked for advice.  And I reflected on it this morning thinking that I sounded desperate and silly--until I got her e-mail and she said exactly what I needed to hear.  And it felt good to both of us.  So, yes, coming out a couple of weeks ago took courage.  But so did just reaching out to a friend today.  They both felt good.  The second is the type of courage I can practice on a more regular basis.

A Blog?

"Don't shrink.  Don't puff up.  Stand on your sacred ground."  -Brene Brown

I've been thinking about doing a blog for awhile.  But I have struggled with the tension between feeling like I have something to say and feeling narcissistic.  But I am reading a book from Brene Brown called "The Gifts of Imperfection."  And it is rocking my world.  Paraphrasing extremely, she talks about how the idea of needing to be seen as strong, perfect and not vulnerable leads us to a life where we're not living a life full of love, belonging, connection and compassion.  She uses big scary words like "shame" and "perfectionism" to explore what gets in the way of getting those things.  While I think I've explored and improved in my quest not to be a perfectionist (I like to consider myself a "good enoughist"), I still worry way too much about what others think rather than what my soul really longs for. 

So I'm going to do this blog--part as a way to discover what I really feel.  Part as a spiritual practice to put something out there and risk you not liking it (and feeling confident in my perspectives anyway) and part as a way to connect with others who may be on their own journeys. 

Many years ago I was in a special group that studied Starhawk's Twelve Wild Swans.  Starhawk had an exercise related to the quote above.  She had us imagine several states: deflated self (which is the Shrinking state), inflated self (which is the Puff up) and Core Self (which is the self that I equate to being closest to your core spirit).  The quote above takes me back to that and is going to be my mantra for staying grounded in blog world.  Don't shrink.  Don't puff up.  Stand on your sacred ground.