Component One--Courage

"Courage originally meant 'To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart.'... Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line."  --Brene Brown

Chapter One of "The Gifts of Imperfection."  Brene Brown says that the three key tools that we need to live a Wholehearted life (a cool term--living with your heart whole, living fully, wholeheartedly) are Courage, Compassion and Connection. 

Let's explore the first one--Courage.  I actually think I'm a really brave person.  I do the big gestures that people normally associate with courage and I get a real adrenaline rush from that.  I'm one to set big audacious goals--like a triathlon or a marathon.  I am able to take big leaps--like a major career change or getting divorced.  Those take courage. 

But those aren't the courageous steps that Brene talks about.  She defines real courage as the day to day events that reveal our heart and vulnerability.  Like asking for help when you're feeling down.  Or raising your hand and saying you don't understand.  Or crying in front of someone when you feel sad.  I have to say that if that is courage--then I'm a real sissy pants.  Of course we all do that sometimes--especially in extreme situations and I certainly have relied on my friends for that.  But in day-to-day interactions, I think I can take care of myself and I don't need to turn to anyone else.  But I LOVE when people do that with me.  So what is different? 

It's the courage to risk making that connection, not caring what anyone else will think.   And for me, it is just trusting that not only is it NOT an imposition, it is a way to help yourself and help someone else at the same time.  Ironic. 

So I did it last night.  I found out that Robb is dating.  I'm happy for him, really.  But for me, it was one of those triggers that brought up emotions that I thought I had neatly packed away.  So, I turned to my friend Candy and vented and asked for advice.  And I reflected on it this morning thinking that I sounded desperate and silly--until I got her e-mail and she said exactly what I needed to hear.  And it felt good to both of us.  So, yes, coming out a couple of weeks ago took courage.  But so did just reaching out to a friend today.  They both felt good.  The second is the type of courage I can practice on a more regular basis.