Telling Our Story

"In order to deal with shame, some of us move awayby withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves and keeping secrets.  Some of move toward by seeking to appease and please.  And some of us move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive, and by using shame to fight shame. 

Most of us use all of these--at different times with different folks for different reasons.  Yet all of these strategies move us away from our story.  Shame is about fear, blame and disconnection.  Story is about worthiness and embracing the imperfections that bring us courage, compassion and connection.  If we want to live fully, without the constant fear of not being enough, we have to own our story." --Brene Brown

Yes, this post is about Story.  I've always liked a good story.  I like hearing people's story because--whether they intend to or not--they reveal something about themselves.  And usually it helps me learn something about them and something about myself. 

Interestingly, it has been hearing other women's stories during this past year that has been the most helpful to me.  At times, I haven't know where or how to process my own emotions, feelings or story.  So hearing other people tell theirs gave me context, thoughts, and insights.  It was also refreshing to see what was under the facade we all show each other.  If the story is authentic, it gives me courage to be more authentic myself. 

There are certain circumstances when stories just naturally come out.  When I got engaged, I found people wanted to tell me their engagement stories.  I found out as soon as I was pregnant that women just LOVE to tell their pregnancy and childbirth stories.  When other things happen--the first visit to the emergency room with your kids, first European vacation, death of parents--people want to tell their own story because it made such an impact on them.  And I've found a new club--the divorced club.  People who have gone through it want to talk about it.  It changes them forever and they want to tell you what to expect, how they made it through and/or how awful their ex was to them. 

Normally, I'd shun away from that entirely.  But I'm learning that everyone has their journey and I've learned something from each one.  Sometimes it's only to recognize how very lucky I am in my journey.  I don't have abuse, bankruptcy, custody battles or harassment involved in my story.  Sometimes it's hearing how the story changed them.  And always, it is a sense of support and kinship. 

So, I will feel better about claiming my own story and telling it.  And hearing more stories.  I hope you can claim your story and can also share it with the world.  It helps you to have it; it helps the world for you to tell it.