Our innate need for connection makes the consequences of
disconnection that much more real and dangerous. Sometimes we only think we're
connected. Technology, for instance, has become a kind of impostor for
connection, making us believe we're connected when we're really not--at least
not in the ways we need to be. In our technology crazed world, we've confused
being communicative with feeling connected. Just because we're plugged in,
doesn't mean we feel seen and heard. ~ Brené Brown
I’ve been thinking about the
sentiment behind this quote for while now.
It’s basically around Facebook. I
LOVE Facebook. I love finding witty
things to say and reading other people’s witty comments. It’s an outlet for my creativity and sense of
humor. It’s allowed me to reconnect with
people who were important to me—or people who weren’t that important to me, but
now I’m rediscovering that I life them.
It gives me a quick break in a busy day to do something mindless. It gives me news that reinforces my political
views and bits of trivia that can be useful in a conversation. It has given me the chance to find great
friends in one-time acquaintances.
But is it really connection? The truth is that people think they’re close to me by reading my posts but they don’t see my deepest hurts and pains unless I want them to. I feel like I know them, but I don’t really.
This came into focus for me a couple of weeks ago when an old sorority sister saw on Facebook that I was going to be in San
Francisco and offered to meet me for breakfast.
We haven’t talked in over 20 years and we weren’t best friends in
college. But I enjoy her posts on
Facebook and I was eager to catch up.
Well, it turns out that we have much in common and I enjoyed connecting
with her (a real connection, not a post) more than I probably enjoyed her even
in college.
Facebook isn’t a replacement for
real connection and I need to remind myself that it is not filling that hole
(or look to it to try to fill that hole).
I've actually decided that for lent, I'm going to "give up" Facebook as a discipline to see if I can learn more about this question--to see how much of a stand-in it has been for real connections.
Until then, I will continue to struggle with this. The question that is more appropriate is “Is it connection or is
it just a connection point that can lead to a real connection?” I think it is the latter--it is the seed of information or humor that I can use to turn it into a real connection.
As an avid facebooker, I imagine I might be biased in my thoughts on this, but I think you are making too much of your use of facebook. You seem to be implying that your facebook connections are not real or are at best a starting point, but I am not sure it matters what they are. You enjoy your time online and that meeting with that sorority sister would probably not have happened without your connection through facebook. People come and go in our lives and facebook helps us maintain some connections that in the past would have been lost.
ReplyDeleteFacebook is what it is and only you can decide whether you are using it as a substitute for something more real (Maybe you mean fulfilling?)
Good luck in your endeavor. I'll miss your insights and wry humor. Given your crazy schedule, I imagine we'll have to work harder to stay connected during lent.