By Changing the Frame of Mind

What we truly and earnestly aspire to be, that in some sense we are. The mere aspiration, by changing the frame of mind, for the moment realizes itself.   --Anna Jameson, 1794 – 1860

So I had an aha-moment today.  I was having lunch with a good friend that I haven't talked to in awhile--like maybe a year.  He was aware of the divorce, but we haven't really caught up. 

We get through all the superficial "how are yous?" (which, let's be honest, are not that superficial with me--I don't do surface talk with friends).  We covered jobs and kids.  And then we got to the "how ARE YOUs."  The real talk... the like, really, dude, how are you doing. 

Now, it is no suprise that I've been struggling the last month or so.  I've felt beaten down by the ongoing stream of suprises and circumstances of my family that keep impacting me.  I've been feeling like the character in The Godfather..."as soon as I try to get out, they keep pulling me back in."  And I was feeling like the foreseeable future was going to continue to be mired in muck.  And I'm not a fan of muck. 

So, I told my friend about how I've been struggling and how it's hard and how I'm pretty tired of it. 

It was after the lunch that I realized that this is the friend that was probably asking the question of "how am I?" about the last year or so, not just the last month.  See, I've been stuck in the right now.  But he was wondering whether I had regrets, whether I was content with my decision, whether I was coping with my new life.  And I realize that I didn't answer accurately.  I answered for the "this month" period of my life.  But in truth, my longer view is much more positive. 

Well, as often turns out, the universe helped me out.  He and his wife were at a small group discussion at church tonight that I attended.  And we were sharing different stories.  And I had the opportunity to tell my revised story and I did.  Because the big picture is that I'm doing really well.  I'm claiming my power.  I'm feeling strong.  I'm finding Christine again.  I don't have regrets.  If I knew then what I know now I may not have had the courage to do it, but that is different than regrets.  So I got to re-tell my story from a longer perspective.  And, I got to realize that I actually am good and I like the longer-term arc of where my life is going.  I'm still not thrilled with the exact situation of the present moment, but taking a look at the bigger picture helps change the frame of mind.