Conflict--The Uncomfortable Gift

When we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of who we are, we betray ourselves. When we consistently betray ourselves, we can expect to do the same to the people we love.  

~ Brené Brown

So it is probably time to return back to the great words of Brene Brown. 

As I've been working on myself this year, I've discovered some odd obstacles.  I've spent so long listening to everyone else--what is important to them, what they need, what they believe.  And my history is to take that in and find ways to incorporate that into what I'm doing. 

This comes up most commonly when there is conflict. I was taught early on to avoid any kind of conflict. Avoid it if possible. If not, then bend and accomodate it so that it goes away. And, accompanied with that is the charming ability that I have (sarcasm intended) to take that conflict personally--if someone disagrees, then there must be something wrong with me or I feel that they are judging me. 

I have very little practice in stopping and thinking--what do I want/believe/need/think about that situation.  I've done a better job of doing that afterwards (yeah, me), but I still suck at doing it in the moment.  Which means I need to step back, reflect, and then go back and address the situation--which is FAR harder than doing it right there in the moment. 

What I'm learning, is that I have to lean into that conflict.  Address it as the tool that it is:  a way to better understand someone and to be understood myself.  Check out the assumptions you're having.  Look at what it is that you are really feeling (doing it in real-time would be ideal, but maybe not possible) and then state that. 

Conflict--the uncomfortable gift.