Things Aren't As They Seem

Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


It's been a hell of a week. 

I think that actually could be an understatement.  This family has been very upset about the tragedy of our neighbor family.  The boys have been distracted and have had a hard time at school.  We've all gotten sick with colds from the emotional stress.  We've tried to help where we could, but have felt absolutely impotent with how little we can actually do. 

But we've pulled together as we could.  I'm so grateful that Robb and I have braved the divorce with civility and compassion.  It has served us well this week as we've joined forces to help where we could.  But I've looked at some moments of this week and just seen them as surreal. 

So picture this.  It is Saturday and we've arrived at the viewing.  The four Haskins are in front of the casket, crying.  Robb and I have our arms around our boys as they are so sad seeing their neighbor and friends' father.  We look like the old Haskins family--all dressed up, the model of a close family, comforting and affectionate. 

And, in that time of grief, we were there for each other.  But behind that picture of domestic divorce bliss, there are the realities of our new lives.  The struggles between Kyle and Robb.  The fact that Robb is getting more serious in his new relationship (and would change his relationship status the next day--but not before defriending me), and that Eric is still angry at all of us.

All that is true.  But in that moment of pain and grief, it was the absolutely natural thing to come up to the casket together, to put our arms around each other and to cry.