Doesn't that sound
like an amazing thing? A relationship
that has those qualities? I only hope
for a future relationship like that.
This evening Eric
asked me when I was going to start dating again. Robb has been dating and the kids are aware of it.
At the beginning, I
thought I should start dating after about a year. I even put a line in the sand at the year's
anniversary. But that was just a line in
the sand that didn't mean anything. I'm
on my journey to find and fall in love with myself and I'm in no rush to
replace the relationship I was in.
I also have told the
kids that I don't think I'm going to be dating seriously until they are
stable. Eric laughed at that; he knew
exactly what I meant. They are NOT
stable right now--they're all over the place.
And while I respect Robb's desire to date, it also adds a level of
instability to our revised family scenario.
Plus, I reminded Eric that I wasn't sure if I would be dating men or women or both. That adds another dimension of insecurity. And then this is the most hysterical part of my son's reaction. He has repeatedly said that he's fine with me dating women (yes, we raised him as a Unitarian Universalist--hooray!). But, he said he WILL have a problem with another man coming into my life. In his words, "I just can't think of another man screwing my mom." Yes, that child has a way with words. I actually love that he is the opposite of 80% of all Americans; my son is fine if I go into a homosexual relationship but will have an issue if I go into a traditional heterosexual relationship.
As if he has a say….
You quote tells me that you are looking for a beautiful and powerful thing, this relationship, this love. It will come to you when it comes and I'm not sure you can or should deny it when it knocks on the door. I'm not sure it cares if it is convenient. Love is rare and wonderful. Yes you can try to wait until your kids are stable, but they are teenagers and so this is a pretty difficult thing. I hope that should you run into love along your journey, and if it is real and wonderfully beautiful and powerful, it will clarify and sanctify as you hope. And if it is this real and joyful thing, it will lift you and your family and the boys will see it and be happy for and with you.
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