Component Three--Connection

"I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship...One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on "going it alone."  Somehow we've come to equate success with not needing anyone...Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart.  When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help."  --Brene Brown

There is so much in this quote.  For me, the goal of almost everying is connection.  My friends have called me "Heavy, Deep and Real (HDR)."  Because what I crave is connection.  I don't do superficial very well.  If you want to turn me off, talk only about the weather. 

So, for me it is yet ANOTHER paradigm shifter that in order to feel connection, I have to be able to receive help.  Since I was young, I was the one who helped.  I learned that I got attention for being responsible, helpful and not asking for anything.  I thought people would love me because I did things for them or was there to help.  Like Brene Brown, I got my self-worth from never needing help and always giving it. 

Well, that has changed in the last year as well (Did everything change?  Didn't anything stay the same?).  I needed help and I had the courage to ask for it.  Probably not as much as I could have used, but it was a step to ask for it at all.  And boy did it feel good to receive it.  And I think it felt good for others to give it.  My friend Joan said it best, "For years, you've been making deposits into the karma bank.  It's now time to make a few withdrawals."  For some reason, that explanation made me feel so much better.  From the small things (bringing me food, giving a hug) to the big things (moving me into and out of my temporary housing to even providing that housing), I felt the receiving.  And I felt greater connections.  I realized (and have to continue to remember) that connection is like electricity--in order for it to work, the flow must travel in both directions.